without you

Sadness reaches from places we hide, the cold days of lost love live in every moment. The last kiss you hope to be the sweetest…fade. If only one more. in my dreams your lips succumb to mine. the taste of spring and life live on your lips… And yet I, I have yet to touch them…to live in a dream, to dance next to love, is my hell. How I want you, to love, to sing in my slumber and to wake in your arms. How I hold you, my love next to me to mine. So to sleep is my forever dream with you. To never wake without you next to me.To never again know love, without you..

your heart is for freezing

you didn’t deserve me
my love
I would have given life itself to see you smile

you looked at me as if I were a puppet a pest

you say I opened your heart
why couldn’t you let me in?

your heart is for freezing
for making cold the love of life that flows in nature

your snow white skin and stepmother grin tell tales of the coldness with in

take away now the nice things you said

see what you have made me to be

my thoughts of you now
seem a sin

at the end

help me to feel
to know each step counts
that a beat
that this beat
 matters
that the ray chasing my life in the cloudy sky
 is love
that it is you
that at the end
at the edge
that falling meant
you were there
will be there
that love
life
matters
that in my arms you will fall
and that in your eyes
I will always
see

 me
loving you

To Lance

To Lance Armstrong,

I didn't know where to send this, or even if it will get to you.
But its important to me that i write it...

I don’t know Cancer…
I don’t know that battle and what comes physically aft… 
god willing I will never know…
I've seen the broken hearts after
I've seen the grief
I've held the suffering and prayed for their families

do I believe you cheated, do I believe that you swallowed the magic pill to make you a champ?

I believe, that you made me believe,
that you danced on your peddles and asked and persuaded an entire community,
 be them riddled with cancer or touched by such, to not give up to try, to be strong, to do 
what it takes…. 

I am inspired by a flat lander, accused as a cheat in the sport I love. 

I will tell you this, that in the grander scheme of things… 
I would stand next to you 
will stand next to you

as you Sir 
have done a greater good than any bad

you have raised people above their illness, above a sickness, above doubt. 

and I hope in the darkest parts of your night you know that we all have to dance through the insanity, 
but for some, you have given a path and in that path… you have given light. 

and for that i hope you find your path...

I hope the band of yellow survivors you have challenged and gave hope to, relive and tell that story... because of you they have found their strength. 

God Bless and Livestrong

you let me in

a nights drive so far in dusk's last dance
dancing around your curious voice

you let me in

a slight touch lets me in and I know…. we know

you let me in

we laugh, listen and love…
your eyes dance in hidden tears and you push and pull

the same moon shines on our days and we love the same
with passion, conviction and desire

your touch plays life on my hearts strings and I wish for an encore…

you loved without even knowing…  

smiles

... smiles i think are the things i want, wanted the most from you, for you.  to see the clouds as your stage and the sun your spot... to live in the light love created.

your laugh would be our life's sound and with the loves beat, we would dance to the music in your heart.... our heart, and the sun would hover above my love, my loves beauty
 as she knew to not extinguish the light of loves delight
and in our slumber the moon would crave a place to live

sweet moon dance in the suns slumber and know
with every dream
my love
my sweet
lays with you …
and in the my loves slumber
loves heart is mended
and love again will smile

my love will again smile
smile with love

sometimes

Sometimes
in the sun
you bask in life’s loving ray

you wait for the breeze to take you
to take you away

Sometimes
you wish to be taken
taken away

to not breathe another day
to wish
to put this lifeless
life away

sometimes
sometimes you want this lifeless life
to blow away

sometimes
you want to not look
to not see

Sometimes
sometimes you want
this life
 that has been taken
taken away

to please
please take this
lifeless life
this meaningless
breath

please take it
take it
away

that was me

Hands clasped
a stifling gasp
why don’t you sing to me 

these any mores last forever

lips in sync
we loved love

oh wait
That was me

to be good again

I’m without words, perhaps really just the right words.
Suddenly I feel like a bystander. Lazy in my will, I have the greatest intentions, I have compassion, love desire… but do I have fortitude, strength and courage?

I’m saddened by this day, these days… so disconnected yet we are a post away from a kind word a prayer or a friendly smile. We pass one another without glance. Not realizing the chance of each other’s worth as another compassionate soul or a wonder bound being lost in the same cosmos…
we are all of the same father… yet we act as if we thieve the very air we breathe.

I’m tired of defending the idea that people are good. We have been raised in a “me first” generation.
In the big scheme of things… we are all the little guy.

I want my babies to see the good in people. To have compassion even when their day, their will is being stressed. They have the smiles of angels and they can light the world with but a grin and I am so proud of them all. They are truly my breath.

Where am going with all this?

My Grandmother Mary once said to me “Be good to all people, you never know who might be an angel”

I want to us to remember how to be good again…. 

we keep them inside

Give me a reason,

 Please
emptiness prevails and love waits in places we don’t travel

How will I taste the sweet that you hold, that you hide,
I’ve danced in your shadow, I’ve waited for you to call me inside
I wait for you to call me sweet and let me play in our night
I want to run to live in the world we might  make tonight

this emptiness dances in circles
circles, circles
circles are easy …
we keep them inside…..

You are my reason
my night, my day and the falling star that wishes bounce from
I run in circles
I run in circles from your words
I run from your arms

And I run to your touch
to your lips
my circles, our circles are my life

this emptiness dances on my soul and I wait for you to come inside
I wait for your heart to let me
to let me
inside 

behind crooked smiles

when all you think you have is the cold taste of a barrel against your teeth, I hope you remember the mirror…remember that I’m watching you and I love you. I’m sorry you’re lonely and empty. I’m sorry. Things should have been different. I’m sorry that the empty part of your heart is made of the lost dreams that made it so big. I wish you didn’t have to crawl through glass to feel, to know love.
I wonder if you weren’t here you would know the empty places that you fill. Why do you swallow so much? Why don’t you cry? It’s cold outside and I can’t bare another round of cheer. I hope we find a place to put your heart. When I first met you, wait, I’m not sure I know you. You hide behind crooked smiles and waxed brows. Why won’t you let me in? It’s another night that you’ll try to forget, the dizzy mornings come so quick. Stumbling through the morn you’ll make your way, but your heart my heart…is losing. I hope I’ll miss you when you’re gone, and I hope again and again I’ll wake. But hope soon loses to time. 

she smiled at you

it’s seems just out of reach
the touch,
the kiss

she’s coming as you’re going 

your innocent glance 
a lost chance
a brush of skin
her scent 

as her smile disappears on the way
green, blue, brown…
no matter,
she smiled at you

Don’t be afraid

Don’t be afraid, this life pushes the worst things the best things to you. Love yourself enough to know the difference. Look into your heart and see the light, there is always a light. Maybe dim and distant but it’s there if you want it enough. We get buried by life’s crap, the stuff that doesn’t matter and should roll away from us. I say rise above the hurt as it is always just an anchor to our heart. Life is not always smiles and pretty pictures, but life is always worth love. So take a look around, see the beauty in the small things, the sink full of dishes that meant you had a dinner with someone else. The unmade bed which meant you slept in doors and the disagreement that meant you both still feel. See in yourself that the next day and the next and the next matter. Be strong enough to move even if you can’t see the end and know that with each step there is always you. We have the potential to be the greatest of the great, all of us. Let’s let go of the anchors, the past the doubt and lets love ourselves enough to be the best.
let’s make this time our time, our life… and let’s make it matter.

these dreams

Remember when we loved each other. The clouds were walking steps. A path to our dreams. Nothing would slow our love. Why now are we frightened. What will we lose by loving by giving by letting go. By letting the beat in our heart be the steps to each others souls. How I miss the touch of your lip. The sound of your voice and the taste of your skin. The darkness of these nights, these days... The loss of touch, the emptiness of heart. If only to walk in reverse would bring loves love back. I would navigate the end of the world till time mattered not. And you lived in my arms again. I know these thoughts but dreams, but you were always the sweetest of these, my dreams, my love.

dancing leaves

then you suddenly wondered, where will this trip take you... the sun setting on these golden trees, these aspens dancing their last leaf dance of this season. falling golden spirits of the day. i walk among you and wonder of the things you have seen. i hope you see in me, the happiness that being with you has brought me. in your winter slumber i will remember you and wait for our walk, our silent talk and and listen to the breezes song through your dancing leaves

I’ve always pushed the sadness of this day down. To not let, my then baby girls, know how much it seemed to hurt. We knelt together, all of us and prayed for the families and the fallen. 
I watched the empty skies of DIA, the lightless skies so empty, cold and lonely and called old friends. 
I wondered what would be next and wanted only to pull my family closer. Much like our great nation did, we

 were again one. To reflect, to remember I think is the greatest honor we can give. Our heartfelt emptiness of the day is a reminder of the loss and sacrifice paid by so many.
So to the fallen, the families and to our bruised but not beaten nation, I raise a simple glass in salute and pray for them, for us all and the future.

we

Don't you want for one moment, to love again. To let the walls come down and live and love for this moment. To taste loves sweetness, to see again the sunset in love to wake in loves garden and know, that in this, in this love, we will dance till there forever is no longer a dusk.My great dream will always be you,my love my me, hold tight to this us, this we, and in the end it will forever be you and me.

monsters

These monsters, these demons. There worse when you are here. These dreams of you, mares of night making dreams of fright, take these away these dreams of you these thoughts and pieces of you. Let me be let me free.

for my friend

For my friend...

Define yourself by the love inside... the love you give, the love you let in. We all have time to make more to give more, but live and love now... taste the salt of the lips you've kissed and savour the sweetness of loves taste...know that in this moment that the touch of your beloved is like breath to the soul. And know we love, we love so deep...

Suddenly I miss you...the soft touch of your skin, the taste of your lips, and the scent of your neck. Your voice rings in my being. I love you... This is what you said. I see the bluest ocean sent eyes and I wonder how you see me. Your touch reminds me that love and life exist.... you're not here anymore, you held my heart and let it go... 

Your smile sits on my lips and i miss you..

me

If only I could silence you,
 my heart,
 my me,
 my soul. 
 Sleep would come to me 
and the dreams 
of what have might have been, 
should have been,
 would not keep my slumber from me.
 I would not say your name in my sleep
 and I would not wake
 with your taste on my lips.
 My heart,
 my me,
 would not need the memories,
 the pictures,
 the we.
 If only I had no heart,
 and there was never
 a we,
 I wonder....
 would there have ever been
 a me... 

dance

What I want is for you to see me
to feel me

I’m here
next to the pill box and empty sheet

I’ve only asked for a smile
to know just a part of you

in this cold i wait

i wonder
why won’t you dance on my cloud…

let you go

Why won't you leave me
Why won't you leave me alone
Are you part of me
embedded in me

You're in every breath
And I wish I could expel you with a cough

You're smile haunts my thoughts
Trying to forget you it seems
Has become a task
Such as stopping the beat of my own heart

Do I need to cut you out of me so I don't feel
don't see
smell you

when will you leave me

why wont I let you go

note to you

my note to you... i know i haven't told you often enough how i feel about you. how knowing you has molded me. i want you to know that my life is better because of you and that i cherish every moment we have had and i hope for more. but if i have seen you for the last time, know that i will carry you with me, that our moments have mattered and in my heart and in my soul i will carry you wherever i go...

my end

And when I said I loved you it was not for that moment, it was until my end... And in my end, there will always be, you... my love, my heart, in me, my love, you will always be my end...

you lived in me

I miss you, my heart, my love
You lived in me you loved in me
Where did you go
My heart sings
 waits for you
the winter
our winter was the finest
We held each other In the cold
i want our winter in our winter
 we love again
 I want you in my winter

This life

This is a beautiful life. So much contrast. So many mountains, so many valleys. This life, of love... Of caring of wanting you near... It's good. Nothing would I give up or change. I know you, you live in my heart and I feel you, your beat, I hear your voice, I smell you on my skin. We have danced and I crave the next.... Ooh love be not from my grasp so long that I forget your presence. But be just out of reach so I reach for you always, and when I hold you in my arms, I pray you do not leave.

lie to you

I can lie to you

I can tell you

the sun still shines
but
she is dimmed by tears

I don’t think of you
unless I’m breathing

your voice but a memory now
erased now
the last voicemail you left

I can’t remember the color of your eyes
it’s the color of the sea that holds me

when I close my eyes I wish for you to disappear
you dance in my thoughts as if you were still here

there’s nothing left
a dream, a memory
I wonder
were you ever here

i wonder...

As I gaze upon the countless stars, their twinkle lit brilliance dancing across a vast infinity, to many to count, to much to feel, i wonder...
In just one moment, can one see me?

next to me

the sky
 moves white lit clouds against her black night veil
the moon grins, sublime
autumn’s  leaves scurry
 across darkened scape
rushing from springs young grip

shadows of past walk, waltz, wander
in this moons grin,
 they are all here
doubt, fear, regret

you’re next to me

your angelic blued eyes
closed to the nights end
my slumber’s last glace
my loves peaceful sleep

the world has stopped
together now
our sleeping hearts beat

we all have to dance

when things spin, and love faith and hope spiral from your grasp, know that we are here with loves anchor, and we will tie you to our souls and love will survive, prevail... nothing will take you from our heart... and in life's dance we will spin in love... don't be afraid, we all have to dance...

when you dream

What I said in every breath was true
when eyes laid
upon the beauty that was you
love filled me
everything that I loved
I see in you

my heart skipped
my skin chilled
and breath left

I dream of loves touch
your touch
so close
just out of reach

I see you in my dream
I hope someday
you see me
in your dream

i miss

I miss your lips on mine
I miss you giving in to my kiss
I wish your neck laid in my arm
my lips on yours
and miss our whispered words of love

your blue eyed glance
pearled white smile
and porcelain skin
how I miss your touch

how I miss our hearts skipped beat
together our silly
skipped dance

I miss your lips on mine
I miss your loving kiss

i say fall

I think one of the greatest things about falling in love is the uncertainty. The not knowing that nervous quiver in the pit of your gut that makes you aware of your fragility, we never really know where love will take us. It’s not mapped out it can’t be navigated or drawn out on napkins.

It is after all called “falling in love”, it’s not climbing precariously in love, walking slowly in love, it is truly falling. Every part of your being flailing, thrashing and wondering where will I land, will this hurt?

But to fall, you have to let go. You have to loosen your grip on the past and all the things that scared you toughened you. You have to give in to your heart and quiet the mind let go and just fall.

We build walls around our hearts to keep out the pain that we felt in the past. These walls do nothing but keep the pain closer, a constant reminder of the hurt. Like a cooler it keeps our once warm heart lonely, cold, and afraid. These walls don’t keep out the pain of the past, but only keep out the chance of loving, of falling.

I say fall, I say let go of the ropes that have you tied to the past. Tear down your walls and give in. Give it your all throw caution to the wind and let chips fall, we might get knocked down, we might get hurt, we might cry for what seems to be a lifetime. But I would rather feel pain for what seems to be a lifetime, to know love, to feel love, to be love, even if it were for but a moment. 

the kiss i missed

I can see the smile in your voice when we talk
I can see the sun dancing on your sky blued eyes
an angelic reflection of love like no other
your perfectly parted lips spilling the tales of your day

I imagine mine on yours
the one kiss I missed

you make me smile

I’m in my car and you in yours and this moment seems to slip by ever so quick

we say good bye

the sun is setting

I wish for spring
and the kiss I missed

number 4

I wish I could turn my brain off and go back to where you were in my arms. I wish I could taste that first kiss and feel your hearts beat next to mine. I wish I didn't promise not to pour whiskey on it when all I want to do is not feel. The true sorrow is being alone in this un known... Literally grasping for transparent strings to pull myself up.... In these circles we move, the not knowing hurts and carves the deepest... I just want to give in to love and live, and I want your hand in mine more than I want breath in my lungs..

blued ocean eyes

I miss your slow lip on mine
the quiver
the salty sweet taste of your kiss on mine

your blued ocean eyes dissecting my love
my desire
my yearning

your angelic touch
on mine

when the tears
 the fears
flow from my being
when I can’t stand to stand
and breath escapes

your whisper
your love
your words

return me

I love you

and in a rain soaked soul
I dance in your word
and in  your love

in your blued ocean eyes

I love
I love you

empty night

clouds move
 across star lit night
 I see emptiness in life
no light

or does star lit night
 sees emptiness in me
my pale
dim light

how I wish you were here to see me right
this cold
this wind blown night
this emptied waste
this cold night

if only you were here
would I be right
could I be still

would I sit here
 tear filled eyes
looking for what is right
looking
for you

my love
in this

a lonely
dark

empty night

sitting waiting

Sitting, waiting…
 watching the clock today I became painfully aware of my mortality…
sitting waiting for something to happen…
somehow each movement forward became a slipping moment.
 I was missing something somewhere.

Trying to grab hold of time I wished for more…more time, not realizing the vicious circle I created.

With every tick, every tock I move forward.  My life seemed, in these few moments of genuine thinking, to be slipping away, moving from me.  My breath shallowed and my heart ached.

How could I stop this? how could I have more time…?

Then with a passing glance of my loves photo I realized…

it’s not more time I crave, its more moments…

like the first time we kissed,
the first time we gazed upon a painting a hundred years older than we

the first time we cried
the first time you sat across from me in that plastic chair and confessed your love

it’s not time we crave… its moments, its love, its life…
I want to grab on to mine with you by my side and live… I want to make moments…
I want to make love,
I want to laugh
and I
want to live…

take your time… turn it into moments
see the little things
the light in everything
in all of us

make a moment in your waiting
and love

an angels play ground

The sun shines on the crisp clean snow, bouncing an infinite spectrum of colors, an angels play ground. A new powdered day, the air is crisp as if it might snap in any sudden movement. My breathe crystallizes on exhale and the pain of my past falls to the cold emotionless snow covered ground and is taken away in the days easy breeze. I tremble.  Your snow blued eyes dance in my thoughts as I dream of holding you. Your skin is that of silk and youth, perfection dances on every minute part of your being.  My hearts memory, the warmth of your lips when pressed to mine plays a melody to my soul and I walk with resolve.

The gray steely days of my past are washed in the light of your loving, gentle soul and all uncertainty is removed with your touch. The whispered words of love that dance from your lips send my soul to soar. I am free. You guide my heart to yours, we are pulled together as one and together our hearts dance as one. Forever in this grasp I want to be, forever with you I wish to be.

 In my arms, you my love, my journey is complete.

With all my heart I dance with you
my love
my Juliet

our kiss

the touch of your lip
pressed to mine

hand held innocence
played again
forever again

in angelic sea blued eyes
my humbled love
reflected in our kiss

our first
our kiss

taken by you
all of
my love
all of
my heart
all of
my being

the touch of your lip
pressed to mine

forever now
all of
my love
all of
my heart
all of
my being

lives on your lips
in our kiss

without you

Without you I wonder

does sun break way to gray cloud
will honey taste as sweet
and will your lips miss mine
when whispered
will love mean anything

without you I wonder

will my hearts beat skip
at the sound of your name
when your taste fills my mouth from loves last kiss
will my eyes weep
blue salted tears
of you

without you I wonder

will cold hands clasp
on bent knee
wishing for one more
always one more

without  you
I wonder
is there

a me

girlish smile

so make with that girlish smile
and know that the clouds
were made for you to dance on
and that my love waits in the rain

lonely star

a lonely star
fell for us to see

I wish on this star
forever my love

you with me

my breath

I’ve fallen to you
love
my love

your warm heart grasps me
lifts me
and with every part of my being I sing a song of you
a melody of our hearts united beat

you dance in my thoughts
in my childish dreams

my finger traced dance
on my loves beloved skin
my heart turns in

my loves lips
you my love
I breathe for your kiss

just one more
my breath
for one more kiss

I’ve fallen to you
my love

Your kiss

content

There is this girl you see
unlike any

she smiled at me
and in that moment
she captured my heart

she dances in my mind like a carousel rounds a carnival
forever spinning
dizzy in thoughts of her I dream

I feel my hearts beat in every touch of her hand
every brush of her hair
and every taste of her lip

the sun rises
but only so I can see clearly the love I have for her

the sun sets
only so I might dream of her again

in her hands
my heart lays
content

she is my love
my heart

my Juliet

you and me

this emptiness
that was yours
that is mine
is replaced by light
this light is you
is me
it’s always been
you
it will always be
me
hold again
your hand
your heart
next to me
this light
forever in me
you
forever
your hand in
mine
this light
will forever be

only
you
only me