my Julie

What would you have me say
spoke unto myself

that without her
my heart skips a beat
that without her love but a word
spoken in tongues not know to me

that a simple touch from her
my beloved
starts my heart a knew

then speak to me
give to me her words
I'll sing her song

she will dance in my heart
as long as there is a beat
and she will dwell in my love
in me
as long as there
is
a me

my beloved
my heart

my Julie

fuck you

maybe you shouldn’t be left alone
maybe the walls you built make sense
maybe what you want is what you are most afraid of

fuck you

you and your inability to see beyond your selfish needs, your wants, and materialistic commercialized heart

fuck you

your glory dazed whiskey filled eyes
unable to realize loves dance at your step

give me your pain
your heart ache
your miss communicated mumblings and drunken drivel
ill spin them in to incoherent ramblings that skate on the edge of madness and art
but dance mostly in a bottle
emptied so you can’t see
can’t feel and refuse to acknowledge

love surrounds you and your nature is to run

fuck you

run, run next to your weakness
nibble on that barrel and free us from you hideous inability to recognize who you are
free me from the pain of growing
of knowing

fuck you

you’ll never know me
you’ll never know

love

fuck you

a tailspin loved tail

your smile dances

every thought I have
have had and will have
begins with you
your touch

your touch but a dream
your loves smile
morning breath lives but for such a smile
how I miss your lips

you said you loved me

a tailspin loved tail

your tickled feet
your ever loved neck

with every touch
loves tickled beat

how I wish you
next to me

how I hope you
only you
know

I love you

thank you

I want to thank you
thank you for coming into my life
for holding my hand

I want to thank you for that first kiss
and every kiss after

I want to thank you for your kind smile
your ever listening ear
and your gentle heart

I want to thank you for your patience
as I stumble through my fears

I want to thank you for that look you give me
the one that melts my heart and gets me through my day

I want to thank you for giving my life reason again

But most of all
I want to thank you for loving me
as much
as I love you

every magical thing not known

with every sliver,
of my being
with every beat,
of my heart
with every glance,
or sight I’ve seen
and every magical thing not known…

with every breath,
I’ve ever taken
with all the tears,
that have been shed
with all the stars,
in our sky
and every new day,
hour,
moment,
of my life,

I will love you

in this moment

Winter they say is coming. In this cold darkness it seems as if she might have already found her way into me. Having been pulled from your warm embrace, loneliness fills me and I steer away from your drive. Doubt fills the cracks of the weakest parts of my being. It’s not the drive; it’s all the time alone. The lines in the road hurry by, like moments in life, moving past, without so much as a thought. In this moment I realize what I have wasted. So many moments have past without loving, without trusting, without happiness, without you. I’m afraid that more than half of the lines in my life have already hurried by. With a fractured soul, pieced back together by you, by your love, I ache for our moments our time. I yearn for the moment that this road takes me back to you, where my arms around you are supposed to be. For now, I hold your angelic smile in my mind and your love in my heart and like the sunrise, it warms the cold doubt filled places of my being.

Somehow

Somehow…

your hand in mine,
smaller,
softer,
makes me stronger
the little things,
the big things,
these things don’t matter

I have you,
your hand in mine,
I am stronger,

we will dance a new dance
and sing our hearts song
they might not listen
they might not understand

but our hearts beat
in this everlasting song

and together
with this new,
this everlasting
this love
this new song

in this
You will always be
in my heart
in my song…

our everlasting
love song

the swiftness of this…

the swiftness of this…
our love,
my love
as if on rails
with our hearts beat
my hearts skipped beat
held next to you…
in your eyes my life unfolds
on your lips
my whispered dreams come true
my heart
held in my loves hands
this love, our love
so true

nothing more do I want
in this world

my true love
is you

we kissed

Something about a kiss

the first
not an awkward moment
as if I had kissed you a thousand times

every time I see you
it’s always as if it were the first
I’m left in awe with what is your beauty

your angelic eyes see through me
how do I deserve that smile?
it melts me

my arms wrapped around you
as if I were built for you
strong but only for you

nothing comes close to you
in this embrace
my arms around you

a thousand more times
we kiss

I will always hold the first
that kiss

wish you were here

The past weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, feelings, changes. After months, even years of living in darkness and hiding, I have once again found myself and in doing so found you, my love. Just when I had given up on the idea, that this love I carried in my heart would surely die, go to waste or simply be consumed by self-pity and doubt you smiled at me. In the moment I saw your smiling eyes I fell. After holding your hand my heart raced to the beat of a song our love had not yet written but had already new the lyrics. And when I kissed you, when you kissed me, when we kissed, all the darkness in my life was lit by you. A new path was before me paved with the rocks that we pick, that pick us, the heart shaped stones that call to us when we hold hands and laugh at our silly nous. This love, new, in man’s idea of time, surely has been waiting for this moment to come into our life. With all of the trials, trails, and wayward promises, we endured our paths came together. We sparked and with this spark a fire was lit that will take Poseidon himself to extinguish. Because we will burn as one like the brightest of stars and oldest of galaxies, in my arms you will always be my light, my love. So on this cold night, when I yearn for you, and my lips call to yours, and my arms are empty, I send a whisper to the stars in hopes you hear,

I love you…

I wish you were here…

wind chimes sing

trees now barren
shudder in dark
pulling life inward
waiting for some spark
wind chimes sing
a seasons end
the death of warmth
the death of light
the cold wind moves
across the night
loneliness sits
in a pale moon’s light
how I wish
for you this night
to hold you close
to keep love tight
never again alone
in these cold dark nights

immaculate place

this mornings wake
surely a dream
my loves perfect body
lay next to mine
in this moment I wish
no existence of time
nothing else matters
beyond our embrace
forever my love
I wish us to be
in this immaculate place

will you see me

the wind blows
I can feel your touch as it moves across me
the sun shines
paling in comparison to your smile
the bluest oceans move
yet to match the love I see in your eyes

because loves love knows
then you my sweet
my dear
you know
I am here
and only with love will I know you

do I deserve such love?
do I deserve thee?
with every part that moves through me
I wonder…

again and again
i wonder
in you
will you
see me?

unrolled sleeve

when you say I love you,
it cannot be said with recklessness
it must come from that place that scares us the most
the place where you lay every part of our being
an empty field or cold dark night
an unrolled sleeve…
we shiver in the face of love
but throw our hearts to its fire

the heart has no agenda or plan
it knows only to love
and in this knowing
this being
I throw my heart to your fire
I love you

every glance

I make love to you with my eyes,
with every glance
never needing a touch
a kiss
a taste
I feel your heart in my heart,
together they beat to our loves song
forever creating new verse

in your eyes I am set free,
the dark tides of the past removed
in your eyes I see only love
I see only me
and in my eyes
there is forever now
only you

love ?

…when we give up all we’ve ever known
hurt, pride, arrogance, deceit…
our past

what do we have left?
compassion ,benevolence, kindness, empathy…

love?

and with what is left
what is new
what shall we do?

love?

love is what I will do
I choose love,
and love

only you…

let it live

What will you do with this new found happiness?
How long will you let it live?

This is different …
I don’t want to numb it…

You’re going to screw it up.
You know your going to pour whiskey on it.

Ill get past you.
You can’t have this.

Ill see you in the end.

Not until then.

But indeed, I will be there.

crazy grin

An overwhelming sense, of calm and peace in my heart, my spirit came over me this morning, as the cold buildings and rushing people flew by me, a hurried, worried look in their eye with seldom ever a smile. I realized I was dreaming and it was you I was dreaming of, your smile, your laugh, that first kiss and every kiss since. I was dreaming of touching your angelic skin and how I could make a life exploring every fraction of it. How I hang on every word you say as if it might be the last I ever hear and how I get lost in your hypnotizing eyes. I dreamt of how when we are together the world stops and there is only you and I. So with this crazy grin, extra skip, I will sit the rest of this day, and continue to dream of you.

i dream

the city skyline in the pre dawn light
a jewelry box of lights

the crisp air of the morning chills me

i think of holding you

i touch my lips where you last were
and crave another
always one more

with eyes closed
i dream…

your smile, it fills me with hope

eyes of the blue sea, tempt

the warmest touch, enlivens

i am spinning

with a skipped beat i long for you

your perfect skin

I want to swim in the ocean that is your blue eyes
live on the beach that is your perfect skin
and drink from the nectar that is your kiss
when pulled from my arms
your touch
your scent
your kiss

I so do miss…

the symphony that is you

If I could write music

I would write the symphony that is you
but only the sound of your heart next to mine could play it
only your lips on mine would sing it
and only in your arms could we hear it…

quietly sitting

he wondered to himself,

quietly,

sitting,

the cold air of a new season sitting on the windows ledge,

how did you know it was you i wanted,

that i waited for,

for so long,

i was the side way walking crab,

afraid you might see me.

now i want nothing more...

how i wait for you in this dream...

just a dream

I’m unsure,
uncertain,
scared.
What happens next?
That light in the seemingly never ending darkness seems to have diminished;
a wavering reminder of where I want to be,
who I want to be,
who I am
seems but a distant fading star.
Coldness holds me in this place
in this darkness and lonely in this,
this life I grasp for what’s real and it falls through my fingers,
these stained digits of hopelessness
clenching at nothingness.
White knuckled in despair,
I see you.
I remember your touch.
I remember your taste,
the honeyed kiss of your lip,
your skin
I drink in the sweetness that is you.

The blinds clank against the window and I am startled to a dazed wake.
I rub the last look of you from my eye and swallow the last of your taste…

Again just a dream,

how I wish I might sleep forever….

my fortune

As I pull the blade through me
my own clutched hair in hand
life, blood and breath move from me
to weak I cannot stand
not a care I have for you
the mirror speaks so grand
to laugh now I hear you
so far a beastly band
your love i hold before me
in this cold now dying hand
cold steel is my fortune
loves toll takes me from this land

dances of our own...

Lightning dances on my walls
shadows of the past race with the roll of thunder
faces
places
traces of you
daughters are made on nights like these

The cool breezes of my youth move through me
memories
hope
you sat on my lap and my boyhood dreams were answered
you smiled at me

this tempest will bring new life
new hope
and dances of our own

Armor falls to flesh

In these days of past,
contemplation and unease have consumed my anxious mind.
My puzzled heart at the base of such reflection, stirs.
Confused, bewildered, bemused.
With the pain of the past slivering my hearts now thickened hide, aches to be held.
In your hands I wonder, can I let go of yesterday?
In your hands will my heart be kept?
In your eyes I see loves yearning for itself,
reflecting your caring heart and child like soul; in your eyes I see happiness, contentment.
In your eyes I see my loves love for me.
Still this befuddled being seeks loves reply to pains of past.
I look to you with hope filled eyes.
Your innocent smile, your love filled gaze.
With but a whisper from my loves lips,
loves promise.
Armor falls to flesh and my loves love sets me free.
In your hands my heart will always be.