compassion and comfort

I know that what we do in these days’, these moments, these breaths, dances with us in the next. I do love you, I do see you and I want you…but you are a stretched step from my grasp. You are the chapter I can’t read; you are the sun filled days and dreamy eyed gaze, which escape me in my deepest slumber.

In the rain I see your steps washed from the sidewalk like thoughts being rubbed from my waking eyes. In the sun I feel your warmth your touch, like a new born to his mother’s bosom I am drawn. But upon your touch I am whisked away with reality, with doubt, with hesitation and pride. I felt you, I have known you and with all my heart I do love and fear you. In your eyes I have seen and felt life, love, compassion and comfort. From your touch I have been lifted and set free…but in this same touch in theses same eyes from which I thought had been given to me, to gaze for the rest of my existence, I know the pain, the soul draining tears that come from your touch, your rejection. If only it were quick and if only a bottle would wash it away.

But without this pain, do I not know your joy? Without this rain would I appreciate your sun?

You are love and I will know you again…

lifted these dreams

I carry my burden, created owned and lifted these dreams, this drunken drivel…

I spill what I can put words to but only with a soul’s knife can I cut away at the weight. Dimmed is the light that used to burn; passion, contentment, desire now only words used to describe a person that, now in hind’s sight may have had a skewed hallucination of life.

I swallowed the poison, maybe I am the poison. If you have loved me, then I will have certainly let you down, if you have touched me, then you will have known the burn. When you realize we are all from the same pile, put together of recycled thoughts, materialistic dreams, eccentric hopes and egotistical views of a world laden with hate, contempt and greed, I wonder if it matters.

Do you think you know me? Have you ever seen me smile?

Grey clouds don’t follow me and I have more friends than I probably deserve. I don’t appreciate my life the way I should and I take so much for granted. The sound of my little girls giggling in their bedrooms up stairs echo in my mind and are so long gone now it’s as if I might have made them up. Lying in slumber next to your love, the warmth, the scent the tenderness…the bed, is so much bigger now.

I know you’re in there; I’ll keep you quiet for now, Ill use you when I can, and I will protect you at my souls cost…don’t come looking for me,

soul's security

That fake forced smile, so much harder to crack today, sits on your face as if drawn by a carnival face painter. It seems the weight of the world sits on your shoulders; you want to do as Ayn suggested Atlas might do and shrug. The words don’t come easy but you string together false feelings, greetings, forged hellos, and jesters of alliance that have the sincerity of your televised evangelical preacher demanding dollars for your soul’s security. You walk among your peers eyes forward, hiding emotion and grief. Trembling inside you make each step carefully as if gravity itself is God pulling you to your knees.
You try to remember your loves smile as you kissed her good bye. She’s off to start her day. The world at her feet she strides with unfathomable opportunities for her young life. She is the reason you walk and breathe amongst this empty humanity. But even her striking smile, brilliant, brown, glitter laden eyes, and young shimmering skin can’t pull you from this overwhelming failure. Boxed in now, feelings, kind words and well wishers don’t penetrate. The light at the end dims and reason takes foot. Nothing makes sense.
The phone rings, your plastic smile is turned back on, you’ve got a machine to grease.