be as such

Loves love slips, skips, bounds from my being
Forever, a day this broken, missing feeling

Lumped throat and skipped beat of heart
Clamed hand and halo vision

These winded days of youth,
Swept away by reservation and burden

Missed days of you,
Missed life of love, of loves touch,

Never again in this will my heart,
By my loves love, will my heart be touched

Never again in this will my heart
Be as such

Dream, this old dream, this once again dream of you
The love, the love my hearts love will never touch

the warm heart rises

All of these things
These thoughts these dreams
Left alone
Left behind

Who do they belong?

These dreams of love
Lost, buried
How I miss the touch
How we miss the love

Can’t afford the ache
Know to well the break

We look
We watch
We cheer from the stands

It seems so nice, the warmth of the hands
The touch, the touch

Sweet are these seasons…
These lost thoughts of love,

This springs sun,
I am sure will return,

A warm heart rises…

how I do waste

This warm blood

Save a gun and a finger a bullet a trigger, your love, you’re cold
Has no trace
Like love gone, so, so much a waste
A bullet,
Love
So much a waste…

This breath, this waste,
This warm blood,
I do
How I do waste

Your lips,
Your lips, now my waste
Take now, my blood,
My blood to waste

Drain me now, this soul’s bitter waste

You your love our love
A waste…

these forgotten ways

This single sided love, these mysteries,
These fucked up ways to me

These precious days’ these memories
These fucked up dreams
These fucked up dreams of we

Taken hearts, broken hearts, these nightmares of we…
Spoken dreams, forgotten dreams these little ones of we…

Leave me now, forget me now
I wish that I knew how

This bottle
This life
To hollow

These memories
These forgotten ways

These fucked up ways to me

Soft skin

You
Your single sided love

Cut this now,
this forgiving skin of me….

wrinkled hands and room temp beer

This silly,
Silly life, lost in ego, lust and greed…
Beauty, skin, and sin…

Was it your smile, which all this, does begin…

Empty child, loveless soul…
This smile,
This skin,
This scent…
Drink it down,
Have your days, your nights, your forever, ever, ever after…

Taken away, what now?
The smile,
The skin,
The scent,
So, so many pennies spent…

The abandoned man in the ground waits …
Your smile,
Your skin,
Your scent,
Your most certain regret…

Emptied life of lust and greed…
Taken now these things you hold so dear,
His smile
His skin,
His scent…

Forever alone, wrinkled hands and room temp beer…

these shut in words

In this there are rainbows,
In this there are sunrises,
In this there are things that you,
that no body has seen…

Wasted are these dreams, these shut in words, these things I keep
These things I keep from you…my one

My one and only
My one and only all of you…

Heart strings pull me over

Wish I had the dazzle scissors to cut free…
Wish I had some dazzle to set me free…

You smiled and my soul,
The sky cried

Rainbows and butterflies tell no lies…

razors make no noise

Weakness stares from the mirror,
Sad,
Sunken,
Rubbed out, eyes
Dissecting every move

Judging
Me, my thoughts

How do I know you?

This drunken dance of fate
Of chance
Of doom
A ritual
A ceremony
A sacrament
A habit…
A chance conversation with the one reality that does not escape me…

Que the tears the terrors the trembling hands,
Razors make no noise

Bent to break and sick in the soul
This burden is sure to take its toll

It’s the light,
Now I see
It’s the light that reflects this soul

Turn down
Turn out this light

Take away this burden
This tired
This troubled soul

Take away this being
This thing
This me

my, soul... the sky, cracked then you looked at me...or was it the other way around...?

my, soul... the sky, cracked then you looked at me...or was it the other way around...?

the word of the day

Dignity

This is the word of the day…

To sleep alone, to be alone, to forget, I need not feel…
This is my dignity…

I breathe
I am

What do I need?

To need no more, to disregard, to push down,
Love escapes…

But why…
Was it hostage?

A pale pink sky reminds me of what I have lost…
Loves only love the touch, your touch…
The day’s sun sinks,
Your touch
The loss

The broken black edges,
The bottle brings me back

Smile my friend, live yet another day and sin, I mean
Sing… sing the songs of the marry the gay the happy to love and live…this is your day

This is not my field to play…
The empty bed, this bed of gray, this is the place…

This place I lay, an empty bottle a broken stray…
Your face, a mirror…

My face…
My face…
Why

Gray

Dignity

This is my word today

tied to stones

These hearts tied to stones

The stars dance on moonlit waves
Your hair floats on the breeze

Fogged memory and forgotten lines
Tied tongue fumbling rhymes

Together never alone

Do you know how long this will take?
How do we get to the end?

You will not float.
You’re tied to stones

These deep cuts
Memories, scars

Tear stained sheets
An empty bottle

Tattooed heart
Broken words

These hearts tied to stones

a smile

a smile, all she did was smile...

This glance
This smile
This relentless over played script
This much to long of a dance
You’re wicked played out glance

This greet
This pass
Your ever caring peek

Why now
This endearing look
This suspicious gaze

Am I not your twin your suspicious freak?

You, your love, please oh please do keep!!

Your taint, your poison, your suspicious freak!
I do not seek!

I bid you, I beg you I am not your freak
You your love, I please I plead I do not seek

Love…
Oh love the greatest love

The love
This weakest link,

You your love it is weak!
Me my love, you my love I do, I do I do seek.

Ponder this, my love, my only love, what does my heart do seek?

You my love, does my wicked love, is it you, my wicked love, is it you I seek?

a souls vacuum

Loneliness creeps in like an ache in the darkest part of your soul.
Slowly the warmth that is your being is replaced by fear, fumbling memories, and dreams of a past that must now only appear like a script, a page from somebody else’s life, unrecognizable, unfathomable…

Seeking shelter from the storm you burrow deeper inside. You hide from yourself, your peers, and your shame. Naked is the soul in this shivering cold, this place of dark fear, endless dusk. You dig past your dreams and your wasted years, they are like the decayed carp from a dried pond, and it sickens you. You can hear the buzzing fly; you can smell the wretched scent, this is, I am sure the death of your soul, your youth. The hearts own ache feeds on what was once hope. How did it come to this? You had such plans.

A chill runs your spine and the thought that this will never end…this is your winter, your storm, your last gaze on this life’s fragile form. Gone are the sun filled days of our youth’s long summers…replaced by the cold, fright and chill of this coming storm…this…last winter, this last storm…

I could find darkness in a tanning bed…

I could find darkness in a tanning bed…

restless true

These whiskey dreams, these dreams of you
Breathless night
This restless true

Sweet are the winds that take away,
These whiskey dreams, these dreams of you

Sleepless night’s wearisome day
These whiskey dreams, these dreams of you

Taken away, are you,
these thoughts,
these dreams,
these dreams of you

Walk away…
These things you do…

Leave me alone these thoughts, these dreams
These whiskey dreams, these dreams of you

smoking gun and rage

Why the doubt
The hate
The mistrust
The smoking gun and rage…

Sleep has again escaped me and I am left alone with myself, my thoughts…
A terrible thing for such a dullard…

I cannot at all enjoy my own company and expect nothing less of you…

Where did the blue skies go?
When did dark become the new day?

Leave me now to this…this act of selfishness…

This nibbling on the barrel,
This loose noose
This placebo

There is no escape from here…
No beginning

and just a few exhales away from the end…
There are only so many exhales…someone is counting…

If you want the end…

Exhale…

J S

I could but imagine the fire's reflection in your eyes,
the very sunrise would succumb to the beauty that is you,
your eyes
your smile
your being
I have but seen you for a moment
but have dreamt of you for a life time
Smile at me again and I shall hold it forever again
until the next
Yeah, a dream...sweat as it were but a dream that brought you to me...

a broken plastic chair

Cloud covered heaven
Stale air

Frail minded man
Smoke filled hair

Cigarette stained fingers
Dirty sheet

Sweat stained soul
An unclean greet

Broken compassion
No more burden to bear

Uncounted coins
A broken plastic chair

Breathless lying body
Nothing left to share

these days of restless night

All these days of restless night
You your smile,
The dazzling light,
You, your smile,
Your magnificent light
Un-catch able smoke…from me you slide
Through my hands like mist you hide
You your beauty, you try to hide…

These days of light, restless night
Dreams of you,
I cannot hide, dazzling light, thoughtless true,
These thoughts, these dreams, these dreams of you…

From you, your smile, from you I hide,
These dreams, these dreams of you,
You, your smile I do hide…

orange dancing grace

Orange dancing grace,
This heavens nocturnal space

These thoughts of you,
My heart but true,
Sure does race

The very sun in its wake, in its rise, this suns most beautiful sunrise, your eyes does make, does make this most beautiful sun…rise.

I am sure in this rise, this beautiful most beautiful sunrise, this sun, this rise it does succumb to you… my lovers most beautiful eyes, my lovers love my true loves eyes, you my love,
You
Are this beautiful sunrise

my gods burden

With the unshakeable feeling that the sun, that my skin,
my heart will never feel as warm as it had as a child, as a being with hope,
life and direction…
lost

That the wintriness of the darkest, loneliest nights will now somehow be thrice that as nights long gone, forgotten, pushed down to the deepest crevasses of my feeble, pathetic, existence…

That the darkness inside you grows with every breath, with every glance into the past, with every thought of an impossible future…

Shed the skin, this pale, unspeakable excuse of a person,
Shed the skin,
Shed the wasted, lifeless, loveless, shrunken creature that is a mockery of
man, a farce among peers…

He wondered to himself,
Gazing into the half empty glass,
This glass that now, somehow, mirrored himself

When will this all be done?
When will this be done?
This life
This wasted breath
This unjust burden on Gods heart...

to my friend

It seems to me that god gets passed around more and more these days, the end is near...? Some times I might hope so, but I think that we humans have so much angst, pain and ego that we cannot see past our own nose.

We are the end and we create nothing less… take my plastic bag, and please, please place it over my head… breath deep these darkest of dreams…end this now, but please recycle my bag…it in form will last forever. My life my dreams end in this void.

There is so much good in everyone… the crook, the politician, the priest, the minister. Just some get caught up in keeping up with the Manson’s. You my brother I love, drink from my cup… my Kool Aid will set you free…

I love, I mean I truly love. I am a hugger, a lover. I want my, mates to know that they can count on me. I am not a rich man in stature, means, or material. But I am rich in soul…in belief in honor. My brothers are strong in will and nature and there are no two men that I would want closer to me in any conflict…be it physical or spiritual… they carry me more than they will ever know.

I never lost faith, because I never had it. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in god, I know my place in his heart; I know his place in my heart… we are good and we talk often. He is the second most reason for who I am… the first are my girls… they are my life and I am nothing without them…

There are things we dream,
There are things we live…in our wildest dreams, these things become the same…

Be patient in your dreams…
Be patient in life
Don’t wish away the humdrum endless bore of the day
We I am sure will want that back in the end..

My mates…

The end, I am sure, is way to near…

But lets have a beer and make sure…