toes

milky white
skin
a freckles skip
tales of love

curled
you’re in my arms
in this time
the world moves forward

your hair falls from your face
my hearts eyes
open
this mornings light

this last kiss
always
one more
kiss

toes
touched
a foots dance
tip toed sheets

finger walked
freckles
tales of love
to many to tell

a dreamers dream

you dance around me

Why do I push
Why do I push you away

I feel your love
Your love
I feel you
My love I have known only

Why do I push you
Why

You dance around me
You make my day
My world

Why do I push you away

Your eyes light my way
To you my love, why

Look this way

Sinful reason, my god
why
Why I have lost my way
I cannot feel
I do not breathe

This vacant spot…

Why did I let you
You my love
Why
Why do I let you
go away

compassion and comfort

I know that what we do in these days’, these moments, these breaths, dances with us in the next. I do love you, I do see you and I want you…but you are a stretched step from my grasp. You are the chapter I can’t read; you are the sun filled days and dreamy eyed gaze, which escape me in my deepest slumber.

In the rain I see your steps washed from the sidewalk like thoughts being rubbed from my waking eyes. In the sun I feel your warmth your touch, like a new born to his mother’s bosom I am drawn. But upon your touch I am whisked away with reality, with doubt, with hesitation and pride. I felt you, I have known you and with all my heart I do love and fear you. In your eyes I have seen and felt life, love, compassion and comfort. From your touch I have been lifted and set free…but in this same touch in theses same eyes from which I thought had been given to me, to gaze for the rest of my existence, I know the pain, the soul draining tears that come from your touch, your rejection. If only it were quick and if only a bottle would wash it away.

But without this pain, do I not know your joy? Without this rain would I appreciate your sun?

You are love and I will know you again…

lifted these dreams

I carry my burden, created owned and lifted these dreams, this drunken drivel…

I spill what I can put words to but only with a soul’s knife can I cut away at the weight. Dimmed is the light that used to burn; passion, contentment, desire now only words used to describe a person that, now in hind’s sight may have had a skewed hallucination of life.

I swallowed the poison, maybe I am the poison. If you have loved me, then I will have certainly let you down, if you have touched me, then you will have known the burn. When you realize we are all from the same pile, put together of recycled thoughts, materialistic dreams, eccentric hopes and egotistical views of a world laden with hate, contempt and greed, I wonder if it matters.

Do you think you know me? Have you ever seen me smile?

Grey clouds don’t follow me and I have more friends than I probably deserve. I don’t appreciate my life the way I should and I take so much for granted. The sound of my little girls giggling in their bedrooms up stairs echo in my mind and are so long gone now it’s as if I might have made them up. Lying in slumber next to your love, the warmth, the scent the tenderness…the bed, is so much bigger now.

I know you’re in there; I’ll keep you quiet for now, Ill use you when I can, and I will protect you at my souls cost…don’t come looking for me,

soul's security

That fake forced smile, so much harder to crack today, sits on your face as if drawn by a carnival face painter. It seems the weight of the world sits on your shoulders; you want to do as Ayn suggested Atlas might do and shrug. The words don’t come easy but you string together false feelings, greetings, forged hellos, and jesters of alliance that have the sincerity of your televised evangelical preacher demanding dollars for your soul’s security. You walk among your peers eyes forward, hiding emotion and grief. Trembling inside you make each step carefully as if gravity itself is God pulling you to your knees.
You try to remember your loves smile as you kissed her good bye. She’s off to start her day. The world at her feet she strides with unfathomable opportunities for her young life. She is the reason you walk and breathe amongst this empty humanity. But even her striking smile, brilliant, brown, glitter laden eyes, and young shimmering skin can’t pull you from this overwhelming failure. Boxed in now, feelings, kind words and well wishers don’t penetrate. The light at the end dims and reason takes foot. Nothing makes sense.
The phone rings, your plastic smile is turned back on, you’ve got a machine to grease.

transparent reflection

The snow lofts on the cities cold air. The drenched earth, to cold to drink in the wet, spills pockets of slush and snow onto our paved plastic world. The cold slows the city down and the skirted girls are bundled in their polyester puffed shields. A still, tranquil quietness presents itself and the heat from the coffee escapes the cup much like we might imagine a soul departs its host. With chilled dried hands the vain cover their hair and curse the moist air. The homeless huddle in quiet desperation hoping to fight mother’s winter’s rude return, her warm bosom of summer seems so long gone. My transparent reflection on the glass separates me as I gaze into the gray dismal sky and dream of walks, gloved held hands. Pulled together at the heart, the cold does not pierce loves warm undying barrier. I imagine her porcelain skin, blushed cheek, and red wetted lips as the chilled air crystallizes the sparkle in her sea green eyes. She sees through me. I don’t exist. With empty cup and left tip, I wake from this dream, put on my armor and walk past my life back to where reality and angst wait.

senseless beat

these whiskey tales
of love

told tales
love
desire

these things floated
maybe just a breeze

forever cant be seen from youths ignorant heart

senseless beat
broken lies
this heart

tongue twisted tales
yours
of love

this twisted heart
left

cold in this
there are only memories

these wasted whiskey dreams
surely

just drunken tales

on me

i know baby
its cold in here to

wish these were wrapped around you
wish you, your scent danced
on me

wish i knew how to make
wishes come true

mannequin dream

Who’s going to take your mind away

tonight

Brown eyed, blue eyed, green eyed devil,

angel

Loneliness has no bounds

Dreamt of you
a dance riddled land
Black silky this and lacey topped that

You smelled of dreams and tasted of desire
Untouched
Oz has no rules

The softest skin has no feeling
Your loveless being
Mannequin dream

music danced in the air between
you and I
This hearts song to your def hearts beat

Seems the suns set, seems my suns set
Seems we have no meaning
Whiskey washed, this hearts dream

A green eyed, blue eyed, brown eyed devils scheme
Your tongue sets me free
Your touch

I will never be free

a souls parasite

Maybe it’s the change of the seasons, the light laying lower at dawn and the chilled breeze that carries the autumn colors to their grounded end. The deadened stares and bundled bodies that skate this cities walks. Their summers dance at an end, now turn inward to find their solace. The cold, the chill numbs the skin and perhaps just a bit, the heart. Sipping soy, fat free, plastic lattes, giving artificial peace, false hope for the soul, this replacement sun, this replacement lover, bogus blue tooth comfort for the masses, numb, deadened, silicone being, drink to your soulless delight. Stretched skin and clothing to match, decorated face and lifted lips, bleached fang, plastic painted eye and tucked tummy. A souls parasite, long legged stalker, quick tongued talker, who will you sink your filth into, whose your pray today?

hands held in hope fall

Its snowing,

it seems that sometimes the people you want to read you the most walk by
the world’s rotation takes them to a different counter a different place

had I a charming smile, a chiseled featured face
id hope to bring you into this unassuming shattered place

these broken dream days
a whiskey poured haze, we walked as king and queen
loved to love and left no feeling unfelt no lovers love untouched
these days of timeless love lust and forgotten trust

the earth does have an end

seems the cold brings a shiver
to not just the skin but perhaps to our fading youth
the softest skin wrinkles and the softest lips do certainly dry
brilliant eyes dimmed ,
pain,
heart ache, and uncertainty

hands held in hope fall

quivering appendages
weak, withered, wrinkled and shaking

time has taken his toll and this withered hearts being sobs

this snow
so cold

your chardonnay

blame me
your weakness
I am your merlot, your chardonnay, your kamikaze

your skin on mine
your whispers
your handheld grasp
so real

a Dali painting we are surreal

a lovers kiss does leave
the slightest taste
an obsession

with wine glazed lips
kissed
with hearts raced love we make
mistake again
a mistake
and again

maybe this time
time will erase

maybe this time a hearts beat
last pace
no more
no more are you
my place

maybe this time
you're my weakness

I miss you

It is your eyes
Your glance
This one last chance

In them I am lost
Wondering, dancing, hoping

Brilliant globes of hope, passion, truth

Wow again and again, wow
How love has dipped into my pool and all I have are faint sublime memories of you
Dancing this fools moon dreams
How I wish I held your heart like you held my hand

So long your touch
My loves love touch

A distant dance such as such
I miss you

so alone in truth

this wind washes
this spirit
or so I am told

maybe I just made it up

facts sometimes get lost
In this wind
our wind

so angry, the souls dance
this wind
waiting to be heard
felt, understood

danced days of love gone
hearts felt

so long so gone
the touch this wind

winds roll through
no desire no agenda
only our wind

whispered tales of love
tales only, I am sure

dance on this winds tongue
only loves love knows the truth

truth
our truth

so alone in truth
in right
in love
real love

I miss this wind
our wind
this truth
our truth

so has gone this wind

lonely days of doubt

It’s not hard to figure out. We fall, we fall easy, and I fall hard. I don’t think it’s a secret. Some hearts break and some hearts mend, but some wait for the next. With every waking dream some wait for that moment, when this creepy beat is complete.

The eyes, my soul’s mirror, reflected, magnified, dissected.
That look, the glance, your glimpse folds me. In the eyes I see the dance, I watch it unfurl.

Hands clasped, walks, talks forever ever after. What brought you to me?
When the rain dances, I feel you against me, the warmth, beauty, and splendor of our creation.

With bitten lip, I taste you. I want you, only you, in this heartbeat, this moment, I know only you.

Your yielding touch, that spot, angels don’t feel this soft. One last touch forever a burn, a yearn, a death, one last pass my lovers love.

The slightest breeze brings you back, but I fear it is only me.
So many a dream these whiskey danced days. So many drunken days waiting for you, if just you to hear my drivel.

These lonely days of doubt, so worth the wait.

drunken salvation

you realize
you are alone

snow falls in the sun
water runs backwards
and not all that is love is true

the moon’s dance on the mountain
is as beautiful as we have seen
but as such
we don’t believe

the biggest brown, green and blue eyes
still dance with whoever is next

the softest touch
how we wait for the touch
is still just touch

this whiskey dance
this drunken salvation
certainly

You realize
You are alone

i could not catch you

Flakes dance between the leaves

I felt your love

The water runs beneath me

I could not catch you

The snow
The flakes melt in my hand

I watch you run

Insignificant bewildered dance

I miss the melt

Suns beam
Our lover’s swing

Don’t look back
A tears dance

You said
Second chances we don’t count them

I want
The first

i should have said it earlier

so those words get tossed around
we know it when we don’t have it

i don’t know how I let it go
its gone

these dance less days of memories
forgotten grace
and ill reason
how I miss the touch
the taste
the never ever ending lace

with glassed eyes
I tell you

we are ok

a long walk home is longer with this empty hand

the deepest breaths don’t return
the deepest thoughts
so do burn

i love you
i should have said it earlier

like it says
i might feel broken

but I'm not broke

silly strings these heart tested beings
if only one more whiskey

no more broken wings

a dreams end

My souls mate…I met you, I have seen you before, I knew you in the years of my youth but you were just a girl.

When we first touched I couldn’t let go, I wouldn’t let go. In your eyes I saw myself, kindness, passion, pain, desire. Your beauty surpassed that of any I have known and your every feature had been etched into my being. The length of your neck, the faultless pout in your lips, the way light danced from your eyes like a 70’s disco ball. I was surely spellbound by what was timeless beauty.

When you spoke your words danced in my head and I was mesmerized by your brilliance and intensity. You carried yourself as angels might move and with every step I learned a new meaning of excellence. I could tell I was being daft and might have seemed a bit mad in my manners as I was taken breathless by your… your you. You were perfect.

When we kissed I breathed in the essence that is love, you tasted of heaven and my soul was reconnected. Like a child amazed by the lights of the first carnival I was dizzy, dazed and stunned by our connection, we fit. In that moment I was sure these lost days of aimless wondering were over, that the gray clouds of hopelessness and loneliness were burned away by the radiance that was your soul, my soul.

Reality or in this instance, timing, has a way of waking you up at the most inopportune moments. My dream had come to an end. This dance, to my dismay was short.
This was not our time, not now.

I do still hold theses things in my being and I cherish the dance as a moments stroll in the heavens.

I’m not looking now, maybe you will find me…

our prints in the snow

Your look took me here
With a glance
My shudder

my mate my soul

Danced days, our prints in the snow,
the sand,
the clouds

I breathe you in
You exhale only me

When we touch we never let go
Our hearts beat
the same song

The same skin
Our sin

Touched lip
Sweetest taste

The dance was the beginning
The dance our never ending

Your tear is my tear
My souls mate


Has no fear

just below the trees

To you
To have breathed the same air

To have grown and loved and touched

So lucky in youth

You said I write about love

I say I wish I knew how to keep it

These silly days of letting go and not letting in

So hard on the lovers
We can’t hold on to the kiss

But we can hold on to the heart
We hold on to our chance
Our faith that you, are there
the right one
You are there, and you are looking for me,

I am just below the trees

these silly dances

when you wake up and the sorriest you have ever felt,
is staring back at you

you miss the walks
the talks

the never ever after

when the thoughts you held inside
were scarier than the ones you let loose

when you know your not good enough
when you know you don’t say the right thing

when all you need
all you want

is to be a part

when all you do is love and all you want
is the same
then

these silly dances
these silly shields

what a waste

to have loved you forever
to have you as my muse

these dance less nights and sleepless scripts
would not have been

pleading

ridiculous

blood deep is my love for thee
gloom I am sure is what is left for me..

alone
this room

tear stained sheets
empty

this bottle
this me

broken being
pleading, pleading

the darkness of this night, will it ever end?

quivering lip
shaking hand

sipping away this nights end
to you
your heart
I so do plead

with a loving lip
please do place

the last loving kiss

to me
my end

your not here

emptiness, is your side of the bed,
emptiness, are the memories in my head
emptiness, is the feeling deep inside
emptiness, are the feelings we try so hard
so hard to hide

emptiness, is the end of the bottle
emptiness, is a new bottle

emptiness, is laying in my bed
emptiness, is living inside of me
emptiness, is you lying

is you lying
is you lying to me

don’t lie
don’t lie
please don’t lie to me

emptiness, is the feeling I will never be set free
emptiness, is me
oh emptiness is me
its inside of me
its inside of me

oh when
oh when

oh I will never
i will never
i will never
be set free

your not here,
you’re just some where else
your not here,
your just someone else


you’re not with me,
why can’t I see
you’re not with me,
everyone else can see

emptiness why cant I see
emptiness its just me

02/08/2009 10:58 AM

A change has occurred in our solar system, dear Leo - a shift that will probably be imperceptible, but is nonetheless profound. You have seven months to understand how this change impacts you. It will dawn upon you that you feel a strong need for liberation; perhaps you need to release yourself from the bonds of your group. Innovation is in the air!


2/8/2009 10:58 AM

I have been contemplating the question you put forth...my story. What is my story, how much do you really want to hear? How much do I want to tell? Do I really even have a story?

Sometimes thinking about this brings back memories, feelings that I somehow forgot I had. Memories, feelings perhaps I pushed down unconsciously. Buried and put to rest. A mass grave of thoughts, occurrences, and experiences bulldozed over like the bodies of some religious holocaust. How do you bury your past, how do you hide your humility?
This is the darkness that we try so hard to keep our precious white washed mind from visiting, in hopes of never having to feel again. Never do we want to feel the pain of loss, of hurt, of betrayal, of falling in love. Or maybe it’s just me.

Maybe I pushed down the good stuff, the sunny days, the clean smells. I don't recall the hand holding, the kissing the lovemaking. I wonder if I will remember being at one with whomever I loved, will I relive that moment of not knowing where my lovers love began, and I end. Will I know this memory, or will it only be played like a silent film in some dark theater in the back of my dark silent soul. Maybe I wallow in, wash myself in my pain, my past. I think I relive it more than I should, more than anyone should. What could I have done better, what could I have changed, saved. What should I have said? Should I have held on a little longer, a little closer? Should I have loved more, loved less...

I was naïve and frankly believe my self to still be quite the same. I believed in love. I guess now I reserve it for the young. The handholding the lovemaking belongs to them now. The sunny days and the thought that this will be, this will last, forever. This is theirs, these precious naiveties are theirs. Lest we forget, forever is a long time.

They, I pray, are strong enough for the power of their convictions, their heart. That they look both ways before crossing and wear their personal flotation devises. As the heart is a powerful force, and should not be handled with fumbling hands, but held as if it were gods own soul. These things I know as I have been crushed, trodden and thrashed by my own. I took its power, its loveliness, its frailty for granted.

such fantasy

with an angel’s kiss I am lifted
darkness falls from me like water

and I dream

to live in your eyes
and dance in your heart

such fantasy
desire

I can’t remember if it’s three or four
but I would live in between the beauty of your neck

I could spend a life time
counting
kissing

to taste
to breathe
to feel

this days dream
this evenings scene

such fancy

a lifetimes dance gone by
with an angel’s kiss

a new one begins

whiskey

What inspires me?

A kiss
A touch

I guess the primal feelings the primal emotions…
Hate, greed, vanity… love

Guess discovering the difference, the polarity of each…
I love to love
Hate to hate and am so vain…

I lost the difference.

What replaces touch?
What replaces love?

Hate
Deceit

My god I wanted nothing more than love
We want nothing more than touch

We dance these days to the beat of our peer’s heart…
Forgetting

We belong, we matter…

It might not matter that your eyes dance in my dreams
that your skin was once wrapped around mine

We touched
We were in the same moment and we breathed the same air

What inspires me?

Loneliness

Whiskey

brought me a kiss

These things, these days maybe my personal haze

tucked me in
brought me a kiss
your lip, our kiss

touched skin
yours next to mine
you fit

your sleeve
on my sleeve

this heart
the heart it lays
it lies

these eyes glossed
black
emotions left
nothing

these days alone
waiting

for no reason

we fit

it rained here

It rained here at work for a short while... made it a wee bit muggy...

But the smell of the rain mixed with the asphalt and dust stirs memories of walking my way home from Wyco Elementary. I can feel the water making its way through my cheap shoes and my Wrangler blue cords are soaked. The rain washes my stringy hair into my eyes and I can feel the slightest breeze on my face. In these moments there are no worries, I am not home, I am not at school, there are no peers I have my freedom and I am alive.

The slightest scent of sage and rag weed loft in the air and only the laughter that resonates in my mind is louder than the rain against the earth.

The lush green lawns of the area before my home soak up the wetness like vast green sponges and I wonder what a lawn might feel like.

As I near my home anxiety and nervousness rise inside me. My dad is home, he’s not working today, and maybe it’s been a while. I should not have been this wet.

The rain washes the dirt from our yard where grass should be, might have been or one day, I dream, might be. A brown river that matches my own despair runs into the storm drain. So many dreams I think, go the same way.

touch this, this way

I guess, sometimes life gets blurred
Everyday drivel
Maybe just me

Who really knows or understands what this , this love is?
This love that love, love of flesh and greed, money and deed….this is our new love.

Is it understanding, or taking every part of your loves love for truth, for the “word”.
Is it taking our loves, loves hand, their heart and placing it in our own?

In these days of our dust, our lust, and our money hungry ways, how could we know love?

We lost our way and we are dredging in the filth of our fathers to find our way

This wall to wall carpet and brown leather chair…is this love?

Is love this twenty dollar bill…
Lip locked and loaded for this days pleasure…

This is how we show love…
Touch this, this way…

Love I think hides behind the eyes
Big brown, blue, green globes of truth…

Wow … where did my globe go?

I want again to know truth; I want to know the warmth of my loves love, the bosom, and the heart beat of loves true love.

Or just a drink…
Whiskey
Maybe two

we would dance

dreamt day blue
love so sure
so true

just a touch
you move
me
from me
i see trails

only to you
only to hold you
to touch
to be

slipped lip wishes
touched skin
breathless

thoughtless look takes away breath
city lights dance
gods gasp

a thousand times a death
for just one
we would dance

a day dream dreamt
taken away

surely a dream
surely only blue

tomorrow

he smiled
god isn’t here today

tomorrow
maybe

another glass filled
empty

ice melts best in your hand
whiskey will do

she doesn’t smile
just a drink

we don’t need much more
maybe

one more
another drink

sure
tomorrow?

just one
tears taste best on loves lost lip

whiskey and water

cracked ice and sweated glass

god didn’t come today

there’s an empty place

maybe my heart
cold, alone, unfit
this still
this rhythmless beat

“there’s no time for you now”

whiskey and water

maybe tomorrow…
its what I expected it to be

on a windless night
god moves slower

embrace

no emotion
no fear

choked feeling
no tear..

numb

spiraling haze
this lonesome laze
this so much to loath
our empty space

the you the me the
missed embrace

danced day
I mean daze
so much
to much

wow
embrace

loves love danced on this lovers haze

the slit moons touch
the hearts sure race

touched

last touch

lit lips and slit moon kiss
again
miss
embrace

your kiss
slit moon kiss
I chase
your moon lit love

no replace

souls settle song

a day dreams wake
slow moving soul

broken promise
till death
no longer a part

this wicked wasted dream
so many gone

vacant eye
whiskey scented breath

sun swallowed, the dusk’s clever taunt
wicked wasted day
this day’s dream gone

whiskey emptied bottles
a soul
this souls settle song

no longer a part
this wicked whiskey song

no longer my heart
in your wicked day dream song

soul danced tear

Tall ceilings and stretched walls,
Paint doesn’t cover lonely

This evening’s breeze stirs
Thoughtless reason

Emotion
Guilt
Rhyme

Scenes lost to long days gone,

Chilled skin, parched lip
Tears are the souls wash

Danced days gone and loves love lifted
Soulless loves heart on these days so have drifted

Rain washes these day wishes

Soul danced tear
Loves true love touch
This
This is fear

ended eternal, the night

Why can’t we see the end from here?
Bright eyes
Telescope cries

Butterfly kisses, mommy’s lies
Rock hard soul, forgotten goodbyes

Back handed wishes these blood stained why’s

This day’s breeze sifts the days rot from this wasted crust,
This days loss, this disappoint

Hearts held in darkness know only the wished light

This day, this dark
Ended eternal, the night

Now dark holds the undying heart

selfish yours

Selfish

I am as I have been taught.
I want, I crave, I desire.

I am your son your daughter, your late night pink pants with feathers and bonds

This side ways dance, this exasperating prance
This to late for TV glance

What now?
Shaven, cleansed brushed of thought of sight

Taken of these, every day fixes

Am I now not fixed?

Do I not sing the song of your loves true loves lust?

Oh the horror, the thought the predawn hard

Take this and make it yours
This love this is me my love…my fix

Dance in this dark with my new every day fix.
Dance in this my everyday dark.

Selfish you, yours,

Oh this…this
Love

Selfish

her secret scent

this days sun
set to rest in this evenings bow

oceans tide does take this days sun to her
this days dream, this days hope,
put to rest in this oceans dim

shifting sand and birds of flight
her secret scent

empty hand and lonely prints,
unknown wind, this evening rage

salt traced face
quivering lip and weighted stumble

days warmed sand sips the souls last hope
the bottle weaned of its truth less grip, lies like loves untrue lip
cracked, bleak, barren

on bent knee begged
a feel, a taste, a scent filled breeze

let loves sun warm the sand filled soul

swallowed in dim
this day lies

make it a smile

A Eulogy
An old man’s soul mate…

It was but a whisper

On this day…wow a thousand times wow…

Ever was there a day that the breeze did take away this breath,
This day be,
This day I live

Forever and a thought brought this to me,

Brothers, sisters… daughters…

This day I breathe

Your smile…my love
You I love

Wow a thousand times wow…

I miss you…

Clean hand and light of heart…
We lived one day as one…

Sorry I let you down…

The orange pink sky of youth brings me home…

your soul has lost its feet

When you can’t exhale enough
When your eyes are blinded by tear
When your hands tremble to the hearts beat

What then?

When your cell can’t find the right number
When all your rights become wrong
When you can’t see the next day

What then?

When your heart is just a beat
When your soul has lost its feet
When the bottle is your best friend

What then?

When the words lose meaning
When living is the fear
When really all I want…

Is to disappear…

What then?

loves kissed break

Loves love touched this mornings break,
This orange, pink, this loves kissed break,
This morning new, this morning’s new love, this new day of you,
This once and only sight, hidden but from my loves, my true loves view

Hover clouds like loves, loves touch,
Sweet loves breath on this day’s new,
This mornings loves song, sweet, new,
This loves, love sweet, this day of new,

This morning breeze,
The windows dress does move on this day’s new breath,
I pull my love to this loves breath, in this my love our new day,
Our love does not rest…

With quivering lip and sweat of palm,
Quickened heart and loves sweet song,
On my loves breath,
The sweetest song,
On my lovers love does now the sun sure rest,

your dark side

In here there are no saviors
In here there is only pain
In here we see your dark side
In here we feel the same

I want to make it over
I want to make it right
But here you’re the soldier
I don’t have the fight

In here you’re my lover
Outside wish I had the light
You took away my best friend
I am forever left with why

You took away the best things and leave me with this plight…

I can’t take these feelings
I can’t take this fight
I want to make it over
But you took away my right

Wish I had your smile,
These things would be alright
But I can’t take this fight
I can’t make it right

I wished for your love
But I guess they said…
It wasn’t right

Ill take our life
Ill take what we had

Put it deep inside
And fight for my right to carry
To bury it inside

Cause I don’t have the strength
I don’t have the fight
To let go the feelings,
These are my feelings

These are mine tonight…

be as such

Loves love slips, skips, bounds from my being
Forever, a day this broken, missing feeling

Lumped throat and skipped beat of heart
Clamed hand and halo vision

These winded days of youth,
Swept away by reservation and burden

Missed days of you,
Missed life of love, of loves touch,

Never again in this will my heart,
By my loves love, will my heart be touched

Never again in this will my heart
Be as such

Dream, this old dream, this once again dream of you
The love, the love my hearts love will never touch

the warm heart rises

All of these things
These thoughts these dreams
Left alone
Left behind

Who do they belong?

These dreams of love
Lost, buried
How I miss the touch
How we miss the love

Can’t afford the ache
Know to well the break

We look
We watch
We cheer from the stands

It seems so nice, the warmth of the hands
The touch, the touch

Sweet are these seasons…
These lost thoughts of love,

This springs sun,
I am sure will return,

A warm heart rises…

how I do waste

This warm blood

Save a gun and a finger a bullet a trigger, your love, you’re cold
Has no trace
Like love gone, so, so much a waste
A bullet,
Love
So much a waste…

This breath, this waste,
This warm blood,
I do
How I do waste

Your lips,
Your lips, now my waste
Take now, my blood,
My blood to waste

Drain me now, this soul’s bitter waste

You your love our love
A waste…

these forgotten ways

This single sided love, these mysteries,
These fucked up ways to me

These precious days’ these memories
These fucked up dreams
These fucked up dreams of we

Taken hearts, broken hearts, these nightmares of we…
Spoken dreams, forgotten dreams these little ones of we…

Leave me now, forget me now
I wish that I knew how

This bottle
This life
To hollow

These memories
These forgotten ways

These fucked up ways to me

Soft skin

You
Your single sided love

Cut this now,
this forgiving skin of me….

wrinkled hands and room temp beer

This silly,
Silly life, lost in ego, lust and greed…
Beauty, skin, and sin…

Was it your smile, which all this, does begin…

Empty child, loveless soul…
This smile,
This skin,
This scent…
Drink it down,
Have your days, your nights, your forever, ever, ever after…

Taken away, what now?
The smile,
The skin,
The scent,
So, so many pennies spent…

The abandoned man in the ground waits …
Your smile,
Your skin,
Your scent,
Your most certain regret…

Emptied life of lust and greed…
Taken now these things you hold so dear,
His smile
His skin,
His scent…

Forever alone, wrinkled hands and room temp beer…

these shut in words

In this there are rainbows,
In this there are sunrises,
In this there are things that you,
that no body has seen…

Wasted are these dreams, these shut in words, these things I keep
These things I keep from you…my one

My one and only
My one and only all of you…

Heart strings pull me over

Wish I had the dazzle scissors to cut free…
Wish I had some dazzle to set me free…

You smiled and my soul,
The sky cried

Rainbows and butterflies tell no lies…

razors make no noise

Weakness stares from the mirror,
Sad,
Sunken,
Rubbed out, eyes
Dissecting every move

Judging
Me, my thoughts

How do I know you?

This drunken dance of fate
Of chance
Of doom
A ritual
A ceremony
A sacrament
A habit…
A chance conversation with the one reality that does not escape me…

Que the tears the terrors the trembling hands,
Razors make no noise

Bent to break and sick in the soul
This burden is sure to take its toll

It’s the light,
Now I see
It’s the light that reflects this soul

Turn down
Turn out this light

Take away this burden
This tired
This troubled soul

Take away this being
This thing
This me

my, soul... the sky, cracked then you looked at me...or was it the other way around...?

my, soul... the sky, cracked then you looked at me...or was it the other way around...?

the word of the day

Dignity

This is the word of the day…

To sleep alone, to be alone, to forget, I need not feel…
This is my dignity…

I breathe
I am

What do I need?

To need no more, to disregard, to push down,
Love escapes…

But why…
Was it hostage?

A pale pink sky reminds me of what I have lost…
Loves only love the touch, your touch…
The day’s sun sinks,
Your touch
The loss

The broken black edges,
The bottle brings me back

Smile my friend, live yet another day and sin, I mean
Sing… sing the songs of the marry the gay the happy to love and live…this is your day

This is not my field to play…
The empty bed, this bed of gray, this is the place…

This place I lay, an empty bottle a broken stray…
Your face, a mirror…

My face…
My face…
Why

Gray

Dignity

This is my word today

tied to stones

These hearts tied to stones

The stars dance on moonlit waves
Your hair floats on the breeze

Fogged memory and forgotten lines
Tied tongue fumbling rhymes

Together never alone

Do you know how long this will take?
How do we get to the end?

You will not float.
You’re tied to stones

These deep cuts
Memories, scars

Tear stained sheets
An empty bottle

Tattooed heart
Broken words

These hearts tied to stones

a smile

a smile, all she did was smile...

This glance
This smile
This relentless over played script
This much to long of a dance
You’re wicked played out glance

This greet
This pass
Your ever caring peek

Why now
This endearing look
This suspicious gaze

Am I not your twin your suspicious freak?

You, your love, please oh please do keep!!

Your taint, your poison, your suspicious freak!
I do not seek!

I bid you, I beg you I am not your freak
You your love, I please I plead I do not seek

Love…
Oh love the greatest love

The love
This weakest link,

You your love it is weak!
Me my love, you my love I do, I do I do seek.

Ponder this, my love, my only love, what does my heart do seek?

You my love, does my wicked love, is it you, my wicked love, is it you I seek?

a souls vacuum

Loneliness creeps in like an ache in the darkest part of your soul.
Slowly the warmth that is your being is replaced by fear, fumbling memories, and dreams of a past that must now only appear like a script, a page from somebody else’s life, unrecognizable, unfathomable…

Seeking shelter from the storm you burrow deeper inside. You hide from yourself, your peers, and your shame. Naked is the soul in this shivering cold, this place of dark fear, endless dusk. You dig past your dreams and your wasted years, they are like the decayed carp from a dried pond, and it sickens you. You can hear the buzzing fly; you can smell the wretched scent, this is, I am sure the death of your soul, your youth. The hearts own ache feeds on what was once hope. How did it come to this? You had such plans.

A chill runs your spine and the thought that this will never end…this is your winter, your storm, your last gaze on this life’s fragile form. Gone are the sun filled days of our youth’s long summers…replaced by the cold, fright and chill of this coming storm…this…last winter, this last storm…

I could find darkness in a tanning bed…

I could find darkness in a tanning bed…

restless true

These whiskey dreams, these dreams of you
Breathless night
This restless true

Sweet are the winds that take away,
These whiskey dreams, these dreams of you

Sleepless night’s wearisome day
These whiskey dreams, these dreams of you

Taken away, are you,
these thoughts,
these dreams,
these dreams of you

Walk away…
These things you do…

Leave me alone these thoughts, these dreams
These whiskey dreams, these dreams of you

smoking gun and rage

Why the doubt
The hate
The mistrust
The smoking gun and rage…

Sleep has again escaped me and I am left alone with myself, my thoughts…
A terrible thing for such a dullard…

I cannot at all enjoy my own company and expect nothing less of you…

Where did the blue skies go?
When did dark become the new day?

Leave me now to this…this act of selfishness…

This nibbling on the barrel,
This loose noose
This placebo

There is no escape from here…
No beginning

and just a few exhales away from the end…
There are only so many exhales…someone is counting…

If you want the end…

Exhale…

J S

I could but imagine the fire's reflection in your eyes,
the very sunrise would succumb to the beauty that is you,
your eyes
your smile
your being
I have but seen you for a moment
but have dreamt of you for a life time
Smile at me again and I shall hold it forever again
until the next
Yeah, a dream...sweat as it were but a dream that brought you to me...

a broken plastic chair

Cloud covered heaven
Stale air

Frail minded man
Smoke filled hair

Cigarette stained fingers
Dirty sheet

Sweat stained soul
An unclean greet

Broken compassion
No more burden to bear

Uncounted coins
A broken plastic chair

Breathless lying body
Nothing left to share

these days of restless night

All these days of restless night
You your smile,
The dazzling light,
You, your smile,
Your magnificent light
Un-catch able smoke…from me you slide
Through my hands like mist you hide
You your beauty, you try to hide…

These days of light, restless night
Dreams of you,
I cannot hide, dazzling light, thoughtless true,
These thoughts, these dreams, these dreams of you…

From you, your smile, from you I hide,
These dreams, these dreams of you,
You, your smile I do hide…

orange dancing grace

Orange dancing grace,
This heavens nocturnal space

These thoughts of you,
My heart but true,
Sure does race

The very sun in its wake, in its rise, this suns most beautiful sunrise, your eyes does make, does make this most beautiful sun…rise.

I am sure in this rise, this beautiful most beautiful sunrise, this sun, this rise it does succumb to you… my lovers most beautiful eyes, my lovers love my true loves eyes, you my love,
You
Are this beautiful sunrise

my gods burden

With the unshakeable feeling that the sun, that my skin,
my heart will never feel as warm as it had as a child, as a being with hope,
life and direction…
lost

That the wintriness of the darkest, loneliest nights will now somehow be thrice that as nights long gone, forgotten, pushed down to the deepest crevasses of my feeble, pathetic, existence…

That the darkness inside you grows with every breath, with every glance into the past, with every thought of an impossible future…

Shed the skin, this pale, unspeakable excuse of a person,
Shed the skin,
Shed the wasted, lifeless, loveless, shrunken creature that is a mockery of
man, a farce among peers…

He wondered to himself,
Gazing into the half empty glass,
This glass that now, somehow, mirrored himself

When will this all be done?
When will this be done?
This life
This wasted breath
This unjust burden on Gods heart...

to my friend

It seems to me that god gets passed around more and more these days, the end is near...? Some times I might hope so, but I think that we humans have so much angst, pain and ego that we cannot see past our own nose.

We are the end and we create nothing less… take my plastic bag, and please, please place it over my head… breath deep these darkest of dreams…end this now, but please recycle my bag…it in form will last forever. My life my dreams end in this void.

There is so much good in everyone… the crook, the politician, the priest, the minister. Just some get caught up in keeping up with the Manson’s. You my brother I love, drink from my cup… my Kool Aid will set you free…

I love, I mean I truly love. I am a hugger, a lover. I want my, mates to know that they can count on me. I am not a rich man in stature, means, or material. But I am rich in soul…in belief in honor. My brothers are strong in will and nature and there are no two men that I would want closer to me in any conflict…be it physical or spiritual… they carry me more than they will ever know.

I never lost faith, because I never had it. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in god, I know my place in his heart; I know his place in my heart… we are good and we talk often. He is the second most reason for who I am… the first are my girls… they are my life and I am nothing without them…

There are things we dream,
There are things we live…in our wildest dreams, these things become the same…

Be patient in your dreams…
Be patient in life
Don’t wish away the humdrum endless bore of the day
We I am sure will want that back in the end..

My mates…

The end, I am sure, is way to near…

But lets have a beer and make sure…

to my friend

I owe you … an explanation, or I owe myself an explanation.…
We choose who we are…we all have walls, bridges, swamps, and oceans to cross…darkness has covered us all… we have all been in the shadow of our own worst fear…up till now.

This light you look for, we look for, it is in you! It is you! You are the light for a soul you have yet even met… you are you… the greatest being my God has yet created… you my brother my sister, my mate… you are God. You are all that God wants you to be… it is in you, you, you, you, must set it free!

To paraphrase Nacho Libre…”my life is good, really good”

Hearts break
The cold comes
The snow falls
Light becomes dark
We lose
We cry

Breath comes back
The sun shines
The snow melts
Dark becomes light
We lose
We die

“To this day I give, To you this day we live,” A.C. Brooks

Smile my mates, all of you… all of this, the fabric, the scent, the soap on a rope…but a casual conversation with you… your life, your surely to short, but most wonderful life!

My heart is grand… I seek not but love and compassion, I want but nothing more to be upon loves bosom and to feel loves precious heart and warmth next to me. Am I not you? Are we not all from the same beginning..? I have warmed to loves fire and been scorched by loves frost. But to love, to love, is but my Gods greatest gift.

You my brother, my sister, my mate…I love!

please be seated and put your trays in the upright position, this is all just a test

This morning,
grey,
cold,
winter known to us left alone,
left to wonder,
to wander,
to drift,
to stray,
heartless body,
broken,
defeated,
screaming for peace,
for something forgotten,
faint memory of concord,
child like reminiscence,
I yearn for your touch,
your taste,
your scent
wanting to find you,
to know you,
show me your winter,
hold in my heart the beauty that is you,
intoxicating smile,
enchanting eyes
the touch, yielding, innocent
the taste, sweat, pure
the scent, suggestive, hypnotic

wake me not from this dream of dreams,
lie with me, dream with me,
let me know the touch
let me know the taste
let me know the scent

Create with me our spring and let our winters pass…

this is all just...

a test, I am sure that this is all just ...a test…

taken away, this spirit, joy, and laugh

left are sorrow, strife and wrath

taken away are life, breath and bliss

left is dark, dark, emptiness dim…

the skin, this touch, the love of the lovers loves touch...

soft is the skin, soft is this touch

hidden is the lovers love, this forbidden sin

razor sharp it takes, it takes…sin

breath and blood not the sin

but my lovers love it takes...sin

me...my love, my sin it takes, my sin

oh deep is this forbidden life this wasted breathe this lifeless, this lifeless, lifeless life

oh cut deep and release this love this love for me

my lovers love, oh my lovers love

is not for me

this love I am sure…

is my life, is my sin

forgive me now...

I loved

I loved

You

My sin

Dark

Dark is this waste, this heart
This boundless void, this useless heart

Take away these dreams these plans
Replace them forever, grasping hands

Weak is my faith, my love, forever lost

Take not my hurt, my loss
My pain, my righteous reason to blame

These building blocks of me
This wall, I’m sure you cannot see
Your waves, your love cannot be

Cold now I sit inside, only me
You, your love,
Will never be

Broken is the heart I give, to thee…

Forever now, in this dark,

I am set free

Dark

this is surely a test

This evening’s grace,
Your skin, your taste
This evening’s slumber we sure will waste
To touch, to taste
Our hearts do race
Hands we hold, our grasp, our lace
This evening’s grace…
Your warmth
My place
This evening’s grace,
My love I do place

this is only a test

first kiss,
short it was but certainly sweet...
the taste of the wine, salt, shivering heat …
the racing hearts…

frozen moment in my lovers loves most uncertain task…
task not so deep, my lovers love I am sure runs deep,
quivering hand and slightest touch,
my lovers love, oh so salty, salty sweet…

this first kiss…
so very short…

my lost lovers love
how now
I do weep…

Here are 25 random things about me.

1.I am very shy
2.I love the rain
3.I love pillows
4.I am a sucker for a smile
5.I love my family more than they will ever know
8.I love to sleep with the windows open
9.I cannot stop thinking about my little girls (not so little any more)
10.I try to stop what I am doing to watch the sunrise or set
11.I love it when a woman bites her bottom lip
12.I want to meet my Marla (she knows who Marla is)
13.I write poetry but rarely share it
14.I love to be behind the lens
15.I love walking
16.I want to go to Seattle for dinner
17.I rub my feet together like a cricket to fall asleep
18.I would give more than I have
19.Without my family and my friends I am nothing
20.The wind through the trees on the side of a mountain, lull me to my slumber
21.I dont wear underwear
22.I sometimes give to much information
23.I find great happiness in cooking for my family and friends
24.I love that spot on a womans throat, that indent, wish I knew what it was called
25.I make a fool of myself